Who Killed Amanda Palmer

by Amanda Palmer

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1.
Astronaut 04:37
is it enough to have some love small enough to slip inside a book small enough to cover with your hand because everyone around you wants to look is it enough to have some love small enough to slip inside the cracks the pieces don’t fit together so good with all the breaking and all the gluing back and i am still not getting what i want i want to touch the back of your right arm i wish you could remind me who i was because every day i’m a little further off but you are, my love, the astronaut flying in the face of science i will gladly stay an afterthought just bring back some nice reminders and is it getting harder to pretend that life goes on without you in the wake and can you see the means without the end in the random frantic action that we take and is it getting easy not to care despite the many rings around your name it isn’t funny and it isn’t fair you’ve traveled all this way and it’s the same but you are, my love, the astronaut flying in the face of science i will gladly stay an afterthought just bring back some nice reminders i would tell them anything to see you split the evening but as you see i do not have an awful lot to tell everybody’s sick for something that they can find fascinating everyone but you and even you aren’t feeling well but you are, my love, the astronaut flying in the face of science i will gladly stay an afterthought but you are, my love, the astronaut flying in the face of science i will gladly stay an afterthought just bring back some nice reminders YES you are, my love, the astronaut crashing in the name of science just my luck they sent your upper half it’s a very nice reminder it’s a very nice reminder (and you may be acquainted with the night but i have seen the darkness in the day and you must know it is a terrifying sight because you and i are living the same way)
2.
my friend has problems with winter and autumn they give him prescriptions, they shine bright lights on him they say it’s genetic, they say he can’t help it they say you can catch it - but sometimes you’re born with it my friend has blight he gets shakes in the night and they say there is no way that they could have caught it in time takes its toll on him, it is traditional it is inherited predisposition all day i’ve been wondering what is inside of me, who can i blame for it i say: it runs in the family, this famine that carries me to such great lengths to open my legs up to anyone who’ll have me it runs in the family, i come by it honestly do what you want ‘cause who knows it might fill me up my friend’s depressed, she’s a wreck, she’s a mess they’ve done all sorts of tests and they guess it has something to do with her grandmother’s grandfather’s grandmother civil war soldiers who badly infected her my friend has maladies, rickets, and allergies that she dates back to the 17th century somehow she manages - in her misery - strips in the city and shares all her best tricks with me? well, i’m well. well, i mean i’m in hell. well, i still have my health (at least that’s what they tell me) if wellness is this, what in hell’s name is sickness? but business is business! and business runs in the family, we tend to bruise easily bad in the blood i’m telling you ‘cause i just want you to know me know me and my family we’re wonderful folks but don’t get too close to me ‘cause you might knock me up mary have mercy now look what i’ve done but don’t blame me because i can’t tell where i come from and running is something that we’ve always done well and mostly i can’t even tell what i’m running from i run from their pity from responsibility run from the country and run from the city i can run from the law i can run from myself i can run for my life i can run into debt i can run from it all i can run till i’m gone i can run for the office and run from the ‘cause i can run using every last ounce of energy i cannot i cannot i cannot run from my family they’re hiding inside me corpses on ice come in if you’d like but just don’t tell my family they’d never forgive me they’ll say that i’m crazy but they would say anything if it would shut me up.....
3.
Ampersand 05:58
i walk down my street at night the city lights are cold and violent i am comforted by the approaching sound of trucks and sirens even though the world’s so bad, these men rush out to help the dying and though i am no use to them i do my part by simply smiling the ghetto boys are cat-calling me as i pull my keys from my pocket i wonder if this method of courtship has ever been effective has any girl in history said “sure, you seem so nice, let’s get it on” still i always shock them when i answer “hi, my name’s amanda” and i’m not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand and even if i went with you i’m not the girl you think i am and i’m not gonna match you ‘cause i’ll lose my voice completely no, i’m not gonna watch you ‘cause i’m not the one that’s crazy i have wasted years of my life agonizing about the fires i started when i thought that to be strong you must be flame-retardant and now to dress the wounds calls into question how authentic they are there is always someone criticizing me she just likes playing hospital lying in my bed i remember what you said “there’s no such thing as accidents...” but you’ve got the headstones all ready all carved up and pretty your sick satisfaction those his and hers matching the daisies all push up in pairs to the horizon your eyes full of ketchup, it’s nice that you’re trying the headstones all ready all carved up and pretty your sick satisfaction those his and hers matching the daisies all push up in pairs to the horizon your eyes full of ketchup, it’s nice that you’re trying but i’m not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand and even if i went with you i’m not the girl you think i am and i’m not gonna match you ‘cause i’ll lose my voice completely no, i’m not gonna watch you ‘cause i’m not the one that’s crazy as i wake up - two o’clock - the fire burned the block but ironically stopped at my apartment and my housemates are all sleeping soundly and nobody deserves to die, but you were awful adamant that if i didn’t love you then you had just one alternative and i may be romantic and i may risk my life for it but i ain’t gonna die for you you know i ain’t no juliet and i’m not gonna watch you while you burn yourself out, baby no, i’m not gonna stop you ‘cause i’m not the one that’s crazy
4.
Leeds United 04:47
we watch you your expert double exes it’s just like you to paint those whiter fences it’s so polite it’s so polite it’s offensive it’s offensive it’s so unright it’s so unright it’s a technical accept it but who needs love when there’s law & order and who needs love when there’s southern comfort and who needs love at all we stalk you your expert double exes we oxidize you in your sleep there’s no exit there’s no exit you’re on a roll you’re on a roll no one gets it no one gets it your honor no your honor can’t you protect us, protect us but who needs love when there’s law & order and who needs love when there’s southern comfort and who needs love when the sandwiches are wicked and they know you at the mac store uh uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh - i’m so excited uh uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh - the blacks and beat kids uh uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh - i’m getting frightened uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh - someday someday leeds united bugsy malone came to carry you home and they’re taking you all to the doctor burberry vices all sugary spices it’s nice but it’s not what i’m after sure, i admire you sure, you inspire me but you’ve been not getting back so i’ll wait at the sainbury’s countin’ my change making BANK on the upcoming roster and we’ll stop you your expert double exes oh yeah, a big stock holder exxtra cold with 2 X’s that never talking thing you do is effective it’s effective your shoulder’s icy colder-oh than a death wish than a death wish but who needs love when there’s law & order and who needs love when there’s dukes of hazard and who needs love when the sandwiches are wicked and they know you at the mac store uh uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh - i’m so excited uh uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh - the blacks and beat kids uh uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh - they’re so excited uh uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh - when i think about leeds uniting uh uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh - i’m getting frightened uh uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh - the blacks, the blacks, the blacks, and beat kids uh uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh - it’s so exciting uh uh uh uh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh - someday, someday, someday, someday, someday, someday LEEDS UNITED.
5.
Blake Says 04:36
blake says no one ever really loved him they just faked it to get money from the government and blake thinks angels grow when you plant angel dust he shakes his head and blinks his pretty eyes but trust me he’s no valentine though he said he would be mine his heart is in alaska all the time blake stays underwater for the most part he collects loose change for all tomorrows parties and when blake dates girls with tattoos of the pyramids he breaks their hearts by saying it’s not permanent but in his velvet mind he believes with all his might we’ll all go to alaska when we die... blake makes friends but only for a minute he prefers the things he orders from the internet and blake’s been having trouble with his head again he takes his pills but never takes his medicine he tells me that he’s fine and the sad thing is he’s right and when its 2 o’clock it feels like 9... blake says he is sorry he got through to me if it’s ok he’ll call right back and talk to the machine blake says it looks like acid rain today he takes the fish inside, he’s very kind that way and just like caroline he doesn’t seem to mind the globe is getting warmer all the time... it’s still cold in alaska it’s still cold in alaska it’s still cold in alaska
6.
locked in his bedroom he saw the world a web of action and cumshot girls tick tick tick tick tick don’t bother blaming his games and guns he’s only playing and boys just want to have fun he picked a soundtrack and packed his bag he hung his walkman around his neck tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick it is so simple the way they fall no bang or whimper no sound at all tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick boom.
7.
Guitar Hero 04:47
i can’t get them up, i can’t get them up i can’t get them up at all (hey. ho. let. go.) good morning killer king you’re a star that’s gorgeous hold it right where you are the weather’s kinda lousy today so what oh what oh what’ll we play stratocaster strapped to your back it’s a semi-automatic like dad’s he taught you how to pause and reset but that’s about as far as you get so what’s the use of going outside? it’s so depressing when people die in real life i’d rather pick up right where we left making out to faces of death making out to faces of death and i could save you, baby, but it isn’t worth my time and i could make you chase me for a little price is right it’s a hit but are you actually sure? the targets in the crowd are a blur the people screaming just like they should but you don’t even know if you’re good you don’t even know if you’re good so tie them up and feed them the sand ha nigga! try hard to tell us using your hands a picture’s worth a million words and that way nobody gets hurt and that way nobody gets hurt and i could save you, baby, but it isn’t worth my time and i could make you chase me for a little price is right woo-ah-oo - woo-ooh-ah-oo woo-ah-ooh ah ohh ah oo you’re my guitar hero, you’re my guitar hero you’re my guitar hero, you’re my guitar hero x marks the box in the hole in the ground that goes off at a breath so careful don’t make a sound x marks the box in the hole in your head that you dug for yourself now lie. in. it. shut up about all of that negative shit you wanted to make it and now that you’re in you’re obviously not gonna to die so why not take your chances and try why not take your chances and try? how do you get them to turn this thing off? this isn’t at all like the ones back at home just shut your eyes and flip the cassette and that’s about the time that they hit and that’s about the time that they hit what the fuck is up with this shit? it’s certainly not worth getting upset his hands are gone and most of his head and just when he was getting so good just when he was getting so good... and i could save you, baby, but it isn’t worth my time ‘cause even if i saved you there’s a million more in line woo-ah-oo - woo-ooh-ah-oo woo-ah-ooh ah ohh ah oo you’re my guitar hero, you’re my guitar hero you’re my guitar hero you’re my guitar hero
8.
i have to drive i have my reasons, deer it’s cold outside i hate the seasons here i suffer mornings most of all i feel so powerless and small by 10 o’clock i’m back in bed fighting the jury in my head we learn to drive it’s only natural, deer we drive all night we haven’t slept in years we suffer mornings most of all we saw you lying in the road we tried to dig a decent grave but it’s still no way to behave it is a delicate position spin the bottle pick the victim catch a tiger switch directions if he hollers break his ankles to protect him we’ll have to drive they’re getting closer just get inside it’s almost over we will save your brothers we will save your cousins we will drive them far away from streets and signs from all signs of mad mankind we suffer mornings most of all wake up all bleary-eyed and sore forgetting everything we saw i’ll meet you in an hour at the car.
9.
what’s the use of wond’rin’ if he’s good or if he’s bad or if you like the way he wears his hat oh, what’s the use of wond’rin’ if he’s good or if he’s bad he’s your fella and you love him that’s all there is to that common sense may tell you that the ending will be sad and now’s the time to break and run away but what’s the use of wond’rin’ if the ending will be sad he’s your fella and you love him there’s nothing more to say something made him the way that he is whether he’s false or true and something gave him the things that are his one of those things is you so when he wants your kisses you will give them to the lad and anywhere he leads you, you will walk and any time he needs you you’ll go running there like mad you’re his girl and he’s your fella and all the rest is talk
10.
Oasis 02:07
when i got to the party they gave me a forty and i must have been thirsty ‘cause i drank it so quickly when i got to the bedroom there was somebody waiting and it isn’t my fault that the barbarian raped me when i went to get tested i brought along my best friend melissa mahoney (who had once been molested) and she knew how to get there she knew all the nurses; they were all very friendly but the test came out positive i’ve had better days but i don’t care ‘cause i just sent a letter in the mail when i got my abortion i brought along my boyfriend we got there an hour before the appointment and outside the building were all these annoying fundamentalist christians; we tried to ignore them i’ve had better days but i don’t care oasis got my letter in the mail when vacation was over the word was all over that i was a crackwhore melissa had told them and so now we’re not talking except we have tickets to see blur in october and i think we’re still going i’ve seen better days but i don’t care oh, i just got a letter in the mail oasis sent a photograph it’s autographed and everything melissa’s gonna wet herself i swear
11.
oh, what a noble, distinguished collection of fine little friends you have made hitting the tables without you again: no we’ll wait, no we promise, we’ll wait june makes these excellent sewing machines out of common industrial waste she spends a few days at a time on the couch but she’s fine she wears shades, she wears shades but no one can stare at the wall as good as you, my babydoll and you’re aces for coming along you’re almost human, after all and you’re learning that just ‘cause they call themselves friends doesn’t mean they’ll call... they made the comment in jest but you’ve got the needle i guess that’s the point of it all maybe a week in the tropics would help to remind you how nice life can be we propped you right up in a chair on a deck with a beautiful view of the sea but a couple weeks later we came back and you and the chair were nowhere to be seen you had magically moved to the closet eyes fixed to the place where the dryer had been oh, but no one can stare at the wall as good as you, my babydoll and you’re aces for coming along you’re almost human, after all why on earth would i keep you propped up in here when you so love the fall...? the pattern’s laid out on the bed with dozens of colors of thread but you’ve got the needle i guess that’s the point in the end but it’s better to waste your day watching the scenery change at a comatose rate than to put yourself in it and turn into one of those cigarette ads that you hate but while you were sleeping some men came around said they had some dimensions to take i’m not sure what they were talking about but they sure made a mess of your face but still, no one can stare at the wall as good as you, my babydoll and you’re aces for playing along you’re almost human, even now and just ‘cause they call themselves experts it doesn’t mean sweet fuck all... they’ve got the permanent press homes with a stable address and they’ve got excitement and life by the fistful but you’ve got the needle i guess that’s the point of it all
12.
Another Year 06:02
i tried to fall in it again my friends took bets and disappeared they mime their sighing violins i think i’ll wait another year i want my chest pressed to your chest my nervous systems interfere ten or eleven months at best i think i’ll wait another year this weather turns my tricks to rust i am a lousy engineer the winter makes things hard enough i think i’ll wait another year plus, i’m only 26 years old my grandma died at 83 that’s lots of time if i don’t smoke i think i’ll wait another year i’m not as callous as you think i barely breathe when you are near it’s not as bad when i don’t drink i think i’ll wait another year i have my new bill hicks cd i have my friends and my career i’m getting smaller by degrees you said you’d help me disappear but that could take forever i think i’ll wait another year it’ll be the best year ever i think i’ll wait another... can’t we just wait together? you bring the smokes, i’ll bring the beer ...i think i’ll wait another year

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For additional information including a recording-diary by Amanda, exclusive videos, liner notes, lyrics, and much more, please visit www.whokilledamandapalmer.com

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released September 16, 2008

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Amanda Palmer Boston

performer, writer, giver, taker, listener, love-lover, rule-hater and co-founder of the Brechtian punk cabaret duo, The Dresden Dolls.

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