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You’d think I’d shot their children
From the way that they are talking
And there’s no point in responding
Cause it will not make them stop
And I am tired of explaining
And of seeing so much hating
In the very same safe haven
Where I used to just see helping
I’ve been drunk and skipping dinner
Eating skin from off my fingers
And I tried to call my brother
But he no longer exists
I keep forgetting to remember
That he would have been much prouder
If he saw me shake these insults off
Instead of getting bitter…
I am bigger on the inside
But you have to come inside to see me
Otherwise you’re only hating
Other people’s low-res copies
You’d think I’d learn my lesson
From the way they keep on testing
My capacity for pain
And my resolve to not get violent
But though my skin is thickened
Certain spots can still be gotten
It is typically human of me
Thinking I am different
To friends hooked up to hospital machines
To fix their cancer
And there is no better place than from this
Waiting room to answer
The French kid who wrote an e-mail
To the website late last night
His father raped him and he’s scared
He asked me
How do you keep fighting?
And the truth is I don’t know
I think it’s funny that he asked me
Cause I don’t feel like a fighter lately
I am too unhappy
You are bigger on the inside
But your father cannot see
You need to tell someone
And somewhere some dumb rock star truly loves you
You’d think I’d get perspective
From my view here by the bedside
It is difficult to see the ones I love
So close to death
All their infections and prescriptions
And the will to live at all in question
Can I not accept that my own problems
Are so small
You took my hand when you woke up
I had been crying in the darkness
We all die alone but I am so, so glad
That you are here
"We are so much bigger on the inside,
You, me, everybody
Some day when you’re lying where I am
You’ll finally get it, beauty
We are so much bigger
Than another one can ever see
Trying is the point of life
So don’t stop trying
released March 9, 2015
"bigger on the inside"
music & lyrics written by Amanda Palmer (@amandapalmer) | bit.ly/AFPnet
recorded at Q Division in Somerville, MA
mixed at Mad Oak Studios in Allston, MA
engineered & mixed by Benny Grotto.
cello engineered and recorded by Zoë Keating.
produced by Amanda Palmer, Zoe Keating, and Benny Grotto.
photo used by kind permission.
dedicated to Anthony Martignetti, Jeff Rusch, and Jeremy Geidt.
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