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People keep asking me why I do things like I do
And in all of this measuring influence I forgot you
You and me lying behind the Monhegan Hotel
And you told me things that nobody around me would tell
That was the summer when everyone touched me at once
It was like one day they ignored me, the next, they were all down my pants
But you were in bed with me, safe, before anyone else
You open beside me and held me when I needed help
You and me lying together at night in my room
You’ve been inside me forever, Judy Blume

I couldn’t carry a tune but I thought I could sing
And no one had told me yet thoughts were a good or bad thing
But I started noticing grown-ups would smile and cringe
And you taught me that you could say anything you could think

I don’t remember my friends from gymnastics class
But I remember when Deenie was at the school dance,
Buddy feeling her up in the locker room
Margaret, bored, counting hats in the synagogue
Davey was stirring the tea that she wouldn’t drink
Tony was watching his so-called friend shoplifting
All of them lived in my head, quietly whispering:
“You are not so strange”

I don’t remember the details of seventh grade
All I remember is lying and being afraid
But I won’t forget Katherine and Michael going all the way
Steph on the scale in the bathroom alone that day
Karen pretending to puke so her dad would stay
Margaret arguing with God while she masturbated
All of them mixed up in my head like a love letter
All of them saying, “Amanda, you know better
You are not to blame
The world’s a frightening place
So go on and think how you want
You will not be alone with your thoughts
Well you will but you won’t in a way
‘Cause a girl thought it too in a book that the library bought”

People will keep asking me why I do things like I do
And from now on I’ll tell them Nick Cave, and I’ll talk about you
Judy, I can’t believe sometimes that I’m an adult
And the girls like I was think that I have this shit figured out
You and me lying together at night in my room
You’ll be inside them forever, Judy Blume


from There Will Be No Intermission, released March 8, 2019


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Amanda Palmer Boston

performer, writer, giver, taker, listener, love-lover, rule-hater and co-founder of the Brechtian punk cabaret duo, The Dresden Dolls.


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