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Bigger On The Inside

from There Will Be No Intermission by Amanda Palmer

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lyrics

You’d think I’d shot their children
From the way that they are talking
And there’s no point in responding

Cos it will not make them stop

And I am tired of explaining
And of seeing so much hating
In the very same safe haven
Where I used to just see helping

I’ve been drunk and skipping dinner
Eating skin from off my fingers
And I tried to call my brother
But he no longer exists

I keep forgetting to remember
That he would have been much prouder
If he saw me shake these insults off
Instead of getting bitter

I am bigger on the inside
But you have to come inside to see me
Otherwise you’re only hating
Other people’s low-res copies

You’d think I’d learn my lesson
From the way they keep on testing
My capacity for pain
And my resolve to not get violent

But though my skin is thickened
Certain spots can still be gotten
It is typically human of me
Thinking I am different two
Friends hooked up to hospital machines
To fix their cancer
And there is no better place than
From this waiting room to answer

The French kid who sent an email
To the website late last night
His father raped him and he’s scared
He asked me “How do you keep fighting?”

And the truth is I don’t know
I think it’s funny that he asked me
Cos I don’t feel like a fighter lately
I am too unhappy

You are bigger on the inside
But your father cannot see
You need to tell someone, be strong
And somewhere, some dumb rock star truly loves you

You’d think I’d get perspective
From my view here by the bedside It is difficult to see the ones I love
So close to death

All their infections and prescriptions
And the will to live at all in question
Can I not accept that
My own problems are so small?

You took my hand when you woke up
I had been crying in the darkness
We all die alone
But I am so, so glad that you are here

You whispered we are so much bigger on the inside
You, me, everybody
Some day when you’re lying where I am
You’ll finally get it, beauty

We are so much bigger than
Another one can ever see
But trying is the point of life
So don’t stop trying, promise me

credits

from There Will Be No Intermission, released March 8, 2019

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Amanda Palmer Boston

performer, writer, giver, taker, listener, love-lover, rule-hater and co-founder of the Brechtian punk cabaret duo, The Dresden Dolls.

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